Ya .. I am Changing again ..

When I remember the days of my high school & start comparing those golden days with my life now, I really become so confused. Was that really “ME”?????

The days when I used to attend more competitions than the classes , the days when I never knew what is failure, the days when I had the huge huge respect from the people even who are unknown to me, the days when I composed the song & sang in every class as campaign of S.P.L election for my best friend, the days where almost every lecturer in the college used to consider me as the best student , the day I became representative of more than 50,000 interacters of 8 districts, the day when I made a revolutionary speech saying I would like to become the prime minister & won state level first place for that, the day when I gave a speech in Rotary conference & congratulated by lot of dignitaries are really unforgettable.

What made me change like this? I really don’t know. I had the dare to speak in front of more than three thousand people. But I don’t know what made me so silent where I did not express my feelings properly even once in Mysore. I became kind of "chupa-rustam" here I guess. Probably my decision to quit from all the extra-curricular activities killed the person in me, killed the strength in me. I became really unable to present my views properly in fact. Was getting little irritated for the simple stuffs which were of no importance to me once upon a time, I did not express anytime when I felt bad. But still considered myself to be very important. That’s the big mistake I have done after coming to mysore I guess. I won’t say I became totally ”useless” after coming here. I got so called good percentage, was in some good activities, was in local-boys for a while, was doing some ed-board work. Ya , that’s true but, that’s nothing if I look back at the life I had once.

Guess , It’s the time for me to change again. I know it’s very difficult for me to become exactly like I was once. Things have changed a lot & I have changed a lot too. But I am trying for sure. Now expressing myself without any fear. Telling my views without any hesitations. Day before I had a chat with my friend, I told almost every thing when I felt bad & came to know how I was lacking in expressions. I considered her very important for sure , but realized from her that I never made her realize how she was important to me. Learned a lot of things from that conversation to be frank. Yesterday I realized that , I am still good in presenting my thoughts even though I am less knowledgeable. Yesterday Dr. Manjunath came & gave a speech on Bhagath Sing. We had 2 hours informal discussion with him after the talk where I expressed my views very well. I am happy with how I behaved after a long long time..

I know it’s going to take some time. But still I can make it. I am now very confident about it too. Hope by the time I complete the course, I will regain some part of “ME” which I lost after coming to Mysore.

With love ,

Kruthi..